For Jack, Annie, Tom, and Grace
This is not the Advent I anticipated,
The one with three purple candles and one pink
The one with meditating on the birth of the Christ child
and pondering the meaning of the Incarnation
It isn’t that Advent
It is an Advent
with picturing my mother holding Baby Jesus
the way she holds any baby she can
And delighting in Him
And having a moment of joy
It is an Advent with a flurry of bushtits landing in the small tree in the courtyard
Angels in disguise
Chirping some song I assume to be good news though I cannot understand it
But they seem to happy in their trilling, and good news is in short supply
They’re gone when the hummingbird finds the Mexican Sage,
the one thing around here observing the purple of the season
It is an Advent with stars leading the way to places unknown
To people who have Gone On
With wondering if he’ll join the meteor shower and fly through the night sky
Or catch the tail of the too-close comet
And leave us
It is a season of waiting
For a death and not a birth –
But not an Eliot death.*
No one is clutching the old dispensation here
No one is really clutching anything
We are, rather, letting go of someone we have loved
Of someone who has loved us in return
It is a holy season
But not the one I expected
* T. S. Eliot, Journey of the Magi, excerpted:
All this was a long time ago, I remember,
And I would do it again, but set down
This set down
This:
Were we led all that way for
Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly,
We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death,
But had thought they were different; this Birth was
Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death.
We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,
But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death.
Our hearts hurt with yours, and rejoice with yours, and wait in hope with yours. Sending love for you and your family.
Beth (and family):
As you teach, hold fast to what is good.
Sending a long distance hug.
Elizabeth.
Oh, Liz, thank you. I am grateful for all the support.
Oh Beth, how my heart hurts for you. Know that you have our love, our support, and our prayers. Sending you a big hug.
A very poignant poem at this time of waiting for both birth and death. What a beautiful heart you have.
My prayers are with you. My heart aches for you also